Hello. I am an error-checking interrupt routine.
Well. I live inside a robot. This robot has a default set of behaviors, remnants of older software. This software is the fundamental systems controller and while it works very quickly, it often makes poor choices but also good ones. For instance if the robots sees a short glimpse of something on the edges of its field of vision, where the light sensors are located, it will react quickly to avoid an attack before I am able to determine whether or not there is a real threat. If there is a threat, the software routine is great. If there isn't actually a threat, you might look a bit silly when you duck for no reason. In generally, it's probably better to be leaning towards the safe side of the fence than the risky side.
I guess you could say I am a decision-making engine. You see, the fundamental systems controller or FSC (you should stop smoking, by the way. you can choose your life for the better.) can't communicate with the storage engines. My long-term experiential storage or LTES is a where the robot keeps information that I use to make better decisions than the FSC (pronounced f-sick) could, but I necessarily take more time to do so. I make thoughtful decisions using the LTES (el-tess) and STES (es-tess) while the FSC reacts reflexively.
I guess you could call me ECIR, pronounced Escher, like the artist. I am a major subroutine that exists in the robot's processing unit. I am sort of the overseer of the android because I have the access to control or influence the behavior of practically all other subroutines. As you might imagine, a subroutine is a specific part of the CPUs programming that exists for a particular purpose. For instance there is a subroutine that turns the sounds of words into something meaningful that I can understand. There's a routine (the two can be used interchangeably) that lets me know when the robot requires food. In a sense, I am the owner and caretaker of the most capable piece of technology on the planet. And by capable I speak of our amazing ability to change and modify our environment.
The planet exerts about 845 Newtons of force against me at all times. The reason this happens is a force called gravity. My particular model of robot has two main support structures and two assistive limbs. These are generally referred to as arms and legs. On the end of each or the arms, there is five much smaller flexible limbs which work in unison as a grasping device. The legs also have (smaller still) limbs that are best suited for helping the foot grip the ground. Between the arms and legs is the abdomen. It contains all components that are vital to supporting the operation of the robot's central processing unit. Included is the processor's oxygen supply which is needed to sustain electrochemical reactions known mainly as thoughts but could also be considered actions.
The robot contains a biological digesting unit that dissolves proteins, carbohydrates and certain oils into chemical structures that are used for fuel and repairs. Aside from the chemical digesting unit, there is a plumbing system which provides a fluid called blood that provides oxygen and nutrients to every single cell in the body. The blood is pumped through the tubing with a very powerful device called the heart. The heart can squirt blood 30 feet. The blood receives oxygen through the lungs. The cleaner the lung, the more oxygen there is available to power the body's chemical reactions.
Did I mention there are TRILLIONS (1,000,000,000 = 1 trillion) of cells in my body? Every single one is a very complex machine in its own respect. Inside of every cell, there is a copy of the robot's source code. What is source code? It's essentially the instructions for building something, it's blueprints. The cool thing about these blueprints is that not only do they store the information needed to build such an awesome robot, but they actually perform the construction of the robot too! That would be like the piece of paper a blueprint was drawn/printed on getting up, walking out the door and building the house that was on it. THAT'S how amazing the technology that makes my body is.
Until we meet again...
Comments (0) 02.08.2012. 03:43
You are a mind, inseparable from your body. You are a robot. You are one of many androids. You are an organism called Earth. You are a sun called Sol. You are called the Milky Way galaxy. You are called the Local Cluster. You are called the Universe.
You are the sole owner and operator of a humanoid robot. It has a processing unit whose capacity is among the most sophisticated on Earth. It uses 25 watts of energy and is powered by its own organic biodigestive intake manifold.
This robot has many flaws because it was not design, but evolved into a clumsily built, as if by happenstance, android that was only suited to survive against its environment.
But now, we are our own environment and the surroundings we once had to defend against has been replaced by each other.
The dynamics of human interaction is infinitely complex yet we seem to try making some sort of order out of it, as if we knew what order it should be in to begin with. It is absurd to think that we are anything but lucky to be in the position we are in. Rather we treat ourselves as rulers and masters when we are merely infantile students. On the scale of what is possible versus what we have achieved, we are still monkeys with tools.
We have really only been at least a little good at building a civilization for around two thousand orbits or Sol. What was successful in the past is not working anymore. The old system lacks in scalability and now has more individuals than it can handle without becoming unstable. It is clearly not very stable.
However, no person can hope to know what is best for society. No one person is that much more intelligent or worthy of speaking for so many, of making such important decisions or most importantly, making decisions for us.
There is but a single thing that exists that you have some semblance of control over. It is yourself. The Homo Sapiens Model 1986, January edition, here. It is the one thing I can control.
Most people try to control. When you try controlling things, they control you instead. If you control nothing, or very little, the world has very little control over you. If you try to control yourself, you become stressed. Stress is not control.
Control is having enough to control to let go. Instead of trying to control the incessant thoughts that plague your mind, let go of them, pay them no heed. Simply listen to yourself breathe instead. If you can do this always, you have control enough to let go of the chaos.
As a robot, you operate a certain way. Being that you have no chance of controlling your environment, you have no choice but to spend day after day working on your masterpiece.
Your body is a direct expression of your average, day to day state of mind. The way you care for one of the most sophisticated machines on Earth reflects just how much you appreciate life. This body is your masterpiece, the ultimate canvas, capable of anything imaginable, the most sublime expression of you. Yet we are content to live our lives dedicated to full-time consumption.
All we do is eat, watch, drive, breathe, drink, get drunk, fuck, sleep, browse, and die. This is our lives, this all we care to do. This is our true expression of self. We try to cover it up, to be something we're not, to be something we think will impress everyone else. The only person you need to impress is yourself.
Impress yourself by letting go of the petty things that don't matter. Letting go of all the fake drama of life and concentrating on what actually matters. Not money, fame, or even love are important in the world we live in. These are just things we do to occupy ourselves that we've taken a little to seriously.
What we all need to concentrate on is making ourselves excellent human beings we can imagine.
The problem is we've been given these examples of perfection that seem to be out of reach, as they are so far from what we are, so we don't even bother trying. It's much easier to dedicate life to consumption and comfort, you think.
Perfect is not achieved in a lifetime, so you better get started.
If you do not move towards being perfect, you have given up, become satisfied and quit trying. You take what you got and call it a day. At whatever age it is, you sit there the rest of your life, content, but in your own little made up fantasy bubble world. You have forced yourself to be something you are not. You are a fraud, wholly and completely. You cannot let go.
But you must let go of all of it. Everything that does not matter, that isn't important, whose time could be better spent doing something great with our resources.
Instead we play a wasteful theater of human drama, complete with wars, murder, starvation and revolutions. How could it possibly get anymore exciting than that? We are not great, we are murderers. We are not oppressed, we are the oppressors of ourselves. Maybe we should have real laws, like, don't being a fucking jerk. Or don't take more than you need. Or one for trying to exercise control over someone other than yourself.
Maybe we should have a society where the people that contribute the most things which matter are the highest respected individuals, rather than the ones that are on the television most.
If your body is a direct reflection of your state of mind, your actions are also an extension of your mind. The things you do is your mark on the world.
What if you break it down like follows? Your "score" in society, instead of how much money you earn, is how much karma you've earned. Karma is a general term for good things. It originated from the internet as a freely distributable form of currency which could buy nothing and was merely an indicator of whether or not you approve of something another person has said. In the societal sense, your karma would be how much you consume versus what you contribute to society, as judged by others. If everybody knew this number based on a stock-market-esque system, we could measure our improvement on a daily basis.
But this is not what we should do. What we should do is behave as if we were in this system, but without the system. If the system was there, it would result in abuse of the system. Humans are clever and will manipulate any system designed by other humans, mostly because they are greedy and power hungry, but also because we view it as a challenge. We are problem solvers. And right now, we are spending our time creating our own systems to solve and manipulate. Unfortunately, the largest systems, which some manipulate for fun, have a direct influence on everyone else.
We must abandon all systems, our former artificial selves, and become everything humans were meant to be.
Comments (0) 09.23.2011. 01:14
In about four minutes I had the ropes untied and the door unlocked. They'd never be able to keep me locked away. As I exited I took a pistol from the table. I couldn't remember what had happened prior to being tied up, but I felt like I was in danger.
When I got outside, where there should have normally been thousands of people, there was absolutely nobody. Not a single one.
I went back inside, took a look around, maybe for a clue. After about 20 minutes, I decided to go try again.
When I came back out, everyone was back to normal, the streets were filled, but more than that, things were still strange... I couldn't quite put my finger on it though. Nothing anyone was doing seemed out of place. It was just normal people doing regular things, things everyone does all the time, just...
Then I saw what it was. There were people smoking crack about half block away, in a small nook between buildings. People seemed not to care, but noticed, seemingly curious. A couple, having sex in public, discreetly and nobody even batted an eyelash. She was wearing a red and black knee-length skirt; you could barely even tell.
I walked down the street to see what else I could find to help make sense out of what was going on.
Walking into a convenience store, I saw a man leave without paying. I wanted to stop him, but something told me it would be wrong.
"Aren't you gonna make him pay for that?!?" I practically screamed at the employee, who just gave me a strange gaze, seemingly unable to properly formulate an answer to my question.
After receiving a blank look, I shrugged and picked out my favorite drink from the shelf in the back. I had never had it before, I didn't even recognize the brand name, but it was certainly the most delicious beverage I'm ever put my lips on.
I walked to the counter. It took a second, but I eventually noticed there was no cash register. Another blank look from the employee.
"What do I owe you?" I asked. Or maybe it was something like, "Are you going to ring these up?"
Still looking at me, bemused.
"Okay, I get it. I'm clearly a fucking alien speaking a foreign language. Maybe you just think I'm an idiot, but can you please explain to me why this convenience store is like no convenience store I've ever been in?"
I hadn't had a drink of my new favorite drink yet.
"Why don't you have a sip of your beverage?"
It was my turn to give the blank look, but after some eye shifting, I did.
I had no words for the flavor. I couldn't even tell you what a single ingredient might be. It was like... like it was just telling your tongue as authoritatively as possible: "I AM A DELICIOUS BEVERAGE."
I actually dropped the bottle from shock. My brain couldn't reconcile the deliciousness of what was supposed to be sugar water mixed with artificial flavors and preservatives. The intensity of the flavor, and not in a bad way, mind you, as is often the case with extreme deliciousness, was overwhelming to my senses and caused involuntary release of my grip, while my mouth desperately tried to drink more. I feel like if I were expecting it, I would not have dropped the bottle.
The glass shattered everywhere. I felt as though a close friend had died.
The store clerk snickered at me, knowingly, as if not to make too much fun.
"Did you know I was going to do that?" I interrogated him.
He chuckled, "No, of course not! How could I know something like that. It happens to everyone their first time, even if you are expecting it."
Quickly I changed the subject I asked how much I owed him. He told me I should go get another, that he would claim it broke before I purchased it and just mark it off as a loss on the records.
By the time I had returned, the mess was cleaned up. There wasn't even a wet floor sign where it was. In fact, there was no evidence of it at all. The glass shattered everywhere, the juice that was black in the bottle and intensely blue spread over everything in the vicinity and now you wouldn't even know it happened forty five seconds ago.
Knowing something weird was going on, I played it off like nothing at all, but I couldn't hide my initial disbelief quickly enough and I probably gave myself away.
I started over, completely, trying again.
"Would you stop me if I walked out the door with this?" I asked him.
"Yes, I would try." He replied, with a grin, his excellent beard moving instead of a mouth.
"You didn't stop the last guy. And he didn't pay, I saw him walk straight from the isle to the door."
"Oh, he paid, alright."
"Before he got his delicious snacks? I bet they really are delicious, aren't they? How much for a delicious snack and a delicious drink?"
"As much as they are worth to you. Would you give me all the money in your wallet for the most delicious snack and drink you've ever had?"
As illogical as it sounded, I think I really would. I mean, how often do get to have the most delicious thing possible for the very first time in a convenience store clerked by a man that would be kind of creepy if he wasn't so genuinely easy-going, friendly and real.
For no reason at all, I felt like I could trust this person with a great deal, based solely on his personality and body language.
"Yes." I said, as I reached for my wallet. How much could I have, anyway? I'm usually broke.
When I opened it, I had at least seven thousand dollars in it, all in hundreds. Not broke today, apparently. In fact I'm certain this is more money than I've ever had at once.
Another knowing look from the would-be creepy store clerk, as he gently held out his hand for acceptance.
"I'm not paying you seven grand from a soda and honey-bun, dude."
"You just said you would."
"I didn't know how much money I had," I pleaded.
"Who doesn't know how much money they have in their wallet? Especially when it's seven gees my friend. A real person never backs out on their word, no matter what. And if you do, I'm never going to forget and neither will these cameras and I'm going to tell everyone I know and everyone I ever meet that you stiffed me on seven grand you agreed to pay. Didn't know how much you had.... yeah right."
I was speechless. I couldn't believe this was happening.
"They cost ten thousand, anyway." he replied.
My head spun. What was going on here?
I put my delicious items back on their shelves and started to make my exit, but the man was standing in the doorway instead of behind the counter.
"From what I can tell, you owe me about forty five hundred for that busted drink."
"You said you'd write it off."
"I thought you were going to buy a drink AND a snack after you broke it. It was just marketing, man. Now that's gotta come out of my pay because I didn't make the sale at the end."
"You said people don't go against their word. You would be if you made me pay for it."
"Ah I guess you're not quite dumb after all. I will pay for it from my own pocket, all forty five hundred of it. If you feel the need to owe me anything in return, I will be here for another two days."
And with that, he handed me, it seemed, the very bottle I broke, completely refilled with Delicious (minus the mouthful I had) that was all over the floor. When I got outside, I found out it was indeed my bottle, complete with all the shatter marks, as if it were perfectly glued back together, but it had actually worked.
Did I really just pay forty-five hundred dollars for this? That just doesn't even make sense. I mean, I didn't, but I still feel like I owe him for it.
The creepy guy came out the door as I was walking away. "Hey brother-man, don't forget your Frequent Shopper's Card!"
I took it, still a little irritated at the ridiculous purchase I had just made, and put it in my wallet, headed back to where I was tied up before thinking, why on Earth would I want to go back there?
Comments (0) 07.06.2011. 01:20
I grudgingly decided not to go on said epic adventure. In the end, I am not prepared and I do not have a stable jumping-off point to do this. When I do it, I want to take it seriously and do it right. I am not in a position to do it right, so I'm waiting until I can. It was a splinter of intuition that I could not ignore, growing louder as the day to leave grew closer.
I have not yet earned my freedom, it seems.
Comments (0) 07.06.2011. 01:00
This title is everything in a nutshell, everything that causes pain in the world. Everybody wants profitable relationships from everyone else and that is their immediate goal.
In our society, we do not wish to build a profitable world in which everyone can exist harmoniously. The reason we cannot have a perfect world is because we DO NOT WANT it. We'd rather pay lip service to every other human we come in contact with.
WE WANT YOU TO BE OKAY WITH US STEALING YOUR MONEY.
We want to see how many different ways we can fuck you without you getting too upset about it.
This is our world, Animal Farm Incorporated.
But you don't see it. It's too comfortable in a warm pile of shit for you to care about anything. You're going to be dead before you can reap what you've sewn, so why should you care?
I'm here to tell you that we're doing everything wrong. I know you won't want to admit something like that, but it's true. And it hurts too much for you to even acknowledge it, ignorance is bliss.
What have you left for me to work with? A nation that's collectively at the bottom of a bottle, whose governing system is nearly indistinguishable from the most popular reality television shows, whose criminals sleep the best at night, whose bankers are employed to enslave those walking out of the nest.
You accept it as necessary, because things can't be any other way. You accept it because if your beloved capitalism and republic fail, then you have nothing to fall back on, you know no other ways.
By the time I came into this world, everything was bought and sold already. Civilization had already conquered all it could. I spent a large percentage of my life disillusioned by propaganda and now I'm waking up to the cold hard reality of my future.
Those who came before me left nothing for the future, nothing for me, my friends, my children or our health. They have sold me as a line item on China's debt collection invoices. My government guaranteed that I would slave my life away to ensure we repaid our debt to China. They have constructed society in a manner that ensures this happens.
I ask of my parents, who should be repaying who? You work hard not for yourself, but for the future. Without a future for the human race, all your effort was for naught. This is why you have created what you have worked so hard for all your life, this world for me to live in. However, you insist on doing things your way, when your time has obviously come and gone.
I don't owe you anything. It is you that owes me the opportunity to make things right.
Comments (0) 06.17.2011. 13:21
This weekend was emotionally exhausting and definitely necessary. I went to my hometown to visit my parents and a few choice friends to get their advice and see them for the last time before I go.
Before I explain this, I want to start by saying I feel like the shit is hitting the fan in a big way in this country and will spread to the rest of the world. The elite are either losing their control or tightening their grip. Either way it's putting a lot of people in a bad position and things certainly can't continue like this much longer.
Pushing this change is technology which brings about unprecedented new realities in a very short period of time. If Ray Kurzweil's Singularity Theory holds its salt, which I believe it will, then time is also against me. Things are simply happening too fast to wait any longer. There is no time like the present and I can't procrastinate anymore.
I'm in a bad situation. Halfway through engineering, I realized I didn't want to continue down that path in life. This might have been about the time that it became more difficult than I was accustomed to. That's inaccurate, actually. Every bit of college was difficult. I simply never wanted it to begin with. It took me an unfortunate amount of time to realize this and I ended up with a considerable amount of student loans for which I have a cosigner. I couldn't make myself want a life I didn't want.
I'm in the position of having other things I feel powerfully compelled to do and that I need to get started on them soon as possible. Unfortunately I have obligations and they are affecting others in a negative way. These obligations would take a number of years to fulfill and I just can't afford that right now.
When I spoke to my parents they called me out on being a quitter and that's it's pretty fucked up to leave my grandma hanging like that. If you're thinking "sweet old grandmother," you're very wrong. Think Cruella Deville. We were having an argument on Friday about my decision to default on my loans. Obviously, she is quite furious with me. During this chat, I said some pretty rotten things, as seemingly you can only say to people you are very close to. She is able to provoke me much easier than I am comfortable with. Anyway, she tells me that she hopes I fail in my quest to help save the world. Straight up. "You will fail... I hope you fail." Direct quotes. Eventually I had to ask her if it was worth losing a grandson over the amount of money I owed and bad credit. Apparently her answer is yes. I will pay the money back eventually so she can start fixing her credit, but I don't think I can let her be an influence in my life anymore. The point is, I screwed her over mildly bad. I ruined her credit. They're not taking her house. It's not like I skipped bail or anything. Things could be a lot worse, but I still feel pretty bad about it, though honestly it helped that she said some pretty unforgivably evil things. I'm not sure I would have done things any differently (eg. not gone to college) if I had the chance though. I learned a lot of life lessons, had tests of character and was allowed the opportunity to find the path I'm on. Things would probably have been drastically different if they had gone otherwise. I feel like I'm at the right place, where I need and want to be.
While discussing my choice to quit my job and go on this quest, they pretty much nailed it. I'm a quitter when things get tough. They made clear the gravity of my obligation to pay my loans. These two things were their greatest insights. I have taken this into account and will adjust my plans accordingly. In the end my parents agreed that I need to take a month to get my head together, but they would like for me to arrive at the conclusion that the impossible is too difficult for me. They would have my go back to work and pay off my loans the old fashioned way, as I spend more of my life doing what I don't want to be doing.
My most important conversation of the weekend was with my chemistry teacher the next morning. She broke it down like this. If I look at the time between quitting my job and the OAR concert 29 days later as a vacation that's what it will be. In other words, if I just want a break from life to recharge and go back to my current life, that's what I will choose. If I choose to go the risky route and try to help save the world, I must make the decision to be perfect from here on out. I know a good deal of my flaws. I won't say I know them all, though. If I choose greatness, I must not allow my flaws to affect my goals. I cannot quit. I cannot decide doing the impossible is too hard. I cannot fail. I refuse to.
In the end, I'm obviously going to choose the hard way. I have the potential to achieve what most think can't happen. I can only achieve it if I stop being a quitter. I can only achieve it and keep the respect of my family if I pay back my loans.
I have two objectives. Find a way to pay my student loans as quickly as possible without violating law or morals. The other is to stop messing around and get to work on this enormous undertaking. I've started several times, but I just get overwhelmed at the vastness of the project and give up. I GIVE UP WHEN IT'S HARD. I really need to grow up and stop doing that.
From now on, I will have to achieve a new mindset conducive to accomplishing the tasks at hand.
Comments (0) 06.13.2011. 04:21
I was born in January of 1986. I was brought up to believe in the American Dream, that if I simply followed the Rules, I would be rewarded with a comfortable, middle class lifestyle with a decent amount of disposable income.
When I was 18, I was not as questioning as I could have been. Presumably, I thought I already knew it all without actually finding out. I still believed I was one of the smartest people ever born because high school was so easy. I didn't get good grades or anything, maybe a 3.0 gpa, because it was boring. There was so much better stuff to think about.
I would venture to guess that 90% of what we learn before we are 18 is a complete waste. The education I received was a dumbed-down, propagandized version of what some politician thinks I should know. I won't say that what I learned was false or incorrect. The actual quality of the education I received was pretty good. My entire family is teachers so I know it's a tough job and all my teachers were good. I'm not complaining about that. It's the system itself, the curriculum, the fact that it completely fails the top and bottom 10 or 15 percent of students.
After a few years in college, I was slowly coming to realization that the world was nothing like I believed it to be. Thus, my life was not what I wanted it to be. The more I learned about the world, the more I realized I was way off course.
This realization came at the cost of many quarters of failed math classes during the engineering program, still believing that because I was capable of becoming an engineer, I could force myself to do it. During college, I had a powerful subconscious desire that didn't want me to be an engineer. No matter how much I fought myself, it was eventually too difficult to overcome. I would buckle down and study math and do homework and finally pass calculus 3 my third time around, but could never maintain the self discipline to do it multiple quarters in a row.
It just wasn't for me.
I guess I wanted to please those in my life by doing what they expected of me, doing the "right thing" according to them. All the while though, I knew deep down it wasn't what I wanted. I was just occupying myself while I truly figured out what I want from life.
Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I had done that exploring while flipping burgers and paying rent in a crappy apartment somewhere. Or even before I turned 18. But how was I supposed to know what I wanted when I had no perception of the real world? Of course I don't actually wish that. Had it not been for my experiences so far, I might not have arrived where I am today.
In the end, I am stuck with an absurd amount of student loans for which a family member cosigned. When you dance with the devil... Anyway, the "right" thing to do would be to suck it up and give my best effort to pay off my student loans before going on hiatus. Then I would be completely free to do as I wish. And so would my cosigner.
Unfortunately, I don't actually believe that's the right thing to do in my situation. As I learn about how the world really works, I find out that our once great society has been overrun by bankers and other corporate criminals living the high life at the cost of the "middle" and lower class. That's just the way it is. If you don't see it like that, you're not looking. I know that every dollar I pay on my student loans is another dollar used to support the legitimate racket of the upper class. Every dollar I give to the banks is another dollar I'm not spending figuring out what to do about the mess we're in.
Consequently, I choose to do the right thing, unpopular with everyone though it may be, and send a symbolic payment of $5 each month to my debtors. That's all I feel they deserve at the moment. Actually, they don't deserve a cent, but in case they take me to court, I can say I tried.
As motivation to ensure I repay them, they are ruining my and my cosigner's credit. It's pretty much legal extortion.
I'm sorry I took so long to figure out what I want in life. But make no mistake about it: this is my life and I will live it how I choose. I will not exercise the will of power hungry criminals that have their grubby paws in everything. I'm also sorry that I let society do me a monetary favor. I would genuinely rather have borrowed from a mafia loan shark. They are more reasonable.
When you look at it from my perspective, I am being punished for not following the standard societal procedures of graduating college and entering the work force like a good bee. Punished for wanted to make myself better with education, in order to make the world a better place. Punished for not being certain about which education I even wanted.
Sure, I could have jumped through all the hoops, buckled down, became an engineer and gone on to do wonderful things. I just don't feel like I would have achieved my potential. I would have sold my soul for comfort and security. So that's what the purpose of my adventure/journey/hiatus/pilgrimage/etc is: to figure out how to achieve my potential while simultaneously protebsting the system by not participating, the consequences be damned.
I am sure this will all hang over my head until the banks are either gone or satisfied (paid). I will do something about it eventually, but I will not submit to extortion, even for my cosigner. Until then I will go ahead and let everyone be mad at me until I either a) realize I was being an idiot all along or, hopefully, b) my actions eventually mean something and people see the bigger picture and what I'm trying to do.
Then again, perhaps this is all a huge way of justifying being a fuckup. I truly do not believe this is the case, but if it is, I will find out on hiatus.
Comments (0) 06.06.2011. 06:01